Things I’ve learnt from my children

(posted anonymously by a mother in Texas and published in The Sunday Times)

1.A king-sized waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000sq ft house 4in deep.

2.A three-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

3.If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42lb boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to qa paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20ft by 20ft room.

4.When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

5.The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

6.A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it on the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

7.Certain Lego will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

8.Superglue is for ever.

9.VCR’s do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even though television commercials show they do.

10.Rubbish sacks do not make good parachutes.

11.Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.

12.The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy.

13.Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

14.The fire department in Austin has a five-minute response time.